CHURCH HURT

Church Hurt, a pain inflicted by religious institutions or better put, other members of the body of Christ.

Though we don't talk about it much, I do not think there is a church without a member that have felt hurt at some point by the church.

The difficult part about church hurt is victims coming out to speak to leaders in the church or older believers about their pain, and they meet a defensive wall.

That need to protect/defend the church (or its reputation) forgetting the church is the people in it.

The victims are even sometimes blamed for whatever happened

A lot of people have been abused (in all kind of ways) by spiritual parents/shepherds who should have been their guide.

Ranging from gossips, disappointments, scandals, lies, misunderstandings, conflicts, envy, rivalry, condemnation, loneliness, bad leadership down to Emotional, physical and even sexual abuse.

All of these in the body of Christ.

I'm so certain if we were to bring together  everyone that has stepped into a church, we'd find that every church has in one way or the other hurt at least one of the members (probably without knowing)

I myself have seen Church Hurt. I saw it while growing, though I didn't know what exactly it was called neither did I understand it (since it wasn't happening to me).
But now, it makes more sense

Sadly, I have also experienced church hurt.

I have met some who have been bruised slightly, some burned badly, so much it has affected even their faith or make them leave the church and others walking around with scars/wounds that run so deep

 The church, a place for safety, acceptance, forgiveness, finding one's self and growing in Christ, a place built on love.

Who would have imagined such a place would have elements of strife, rejection, conflicts, hatred etc?

I've spoken to people on this and I'd say it is painful for the victims when they are blamed for their hurt or the church and those involved refuse to take responsibility then sitting in the church pews watching those who have abused you teach all that is contrary to what they've done to you
 This messes with the mind sooooo much.

Especially for cases of abuse, you start wondering if the person next to you is also that way.
An "animal" pretending to be Christlike/Holy in front of people.

You might even go as far as wondering, is there really anything like Christ like?

Is it all made up?

NOW, here is one bitter truth:
We can't afford to spend time dwelling in the hurt or how the other party could have done better.
It breeds bitterness, deepens the hurt/pain, leads to unforgiveness sometimes unbelief (if not tended quickly).

All of these is not healthy for our spiritual life/growth

Another sad part, all these things you feel have no effect on whoever offended you in the church.
They are solely YOUR feelings (even if you are right about feeling hurt)

Imagine being shot by a thief on your way home, your first duty is to get help
Take care of you.
The thief doesn't feel your pain

If you are not fast about getting help, might lead to your death.
The thief is still alive, could accept Christ tomorrow and be forgiven

So, YOU first

Why is the church (members of the body of Christ) hurting people?

For those that have been through church hurt, this is one question you surely ask (maybe for closure)
Like how? Why?

Let's have it in mind that the church is the last place anyone expects to get hurt, so when it happens that pain runs very deep.

Since no one comes to the church with guards up, there is a lot of vulnerability leaving us not ready/prepared for church wounds.
So when we receive these wounds, they are seldom fully healed.

Takes a whole lot to forgive totally

Imagine being burnt not by the fire thrown by the enemy but by that within the church.

Some leave the church and sometimes even Christ

Some stay in church, but they are just there floating (neither hot nor cold), disinterested

Some also stay and pretend. They come to church, clap and dance, raise holy hands, speak in tongues but they are hurting deep

They are only still hanging around because that is what church have been to them and they can't really accept or confront that hurt/pain.
So they pretend it never happened

All of these people, struggling, becoming worn out/exhausted, robbed of the experience of enjoying true fellowship with other believers.

These people are all around us
Pierced hearts, crying deep and silent tears inside, all of these not visible to those looking

Some of us might even have caused others such pain at some point in our lives.

To victims of Church hurt, most ask WHY? in the bid to get closure.

Did I do something wrong?
How is this person doing this to me and still preaching every Sunday?
Am I really the bad person?

It goes on and on.

I will try to answer the why (generally) and I'm sure it applies for everyone regardless

Though the body of Christ is Christ's radiant bride (Rev 19: 7-8), a house for God's spirit, it is very possible that we see a contrast between the biblical descriptions/images and our own personal experience in a church

Why? The church is made up of people.

People of diverse backgrounds, age, personalities, sin struggles, convictions, cultures.

 Because of this conflict in personalities, the church is not perfect.
Rather everyone is growing into perfection

Even the early disciples had an inkling of this, so much that they wrote different letters addressing how members of the church should behave with one another

While the church is the body and bride of Christ, we shouldn't be surprised by hurt in the church.

Everyone is coming from different places, with different kind of hurt also

Some wounded more than others
Some yet to experience human love
And all they now know is the love of God, which they are actually growing in

They are also yet to grasp this love fully.

(please note that I'm not making excuses for those that might have hurt you but rather explaining where they are also coming from)

People who come from a life of constantly gossiping about others.

People whose parents always talked down on, condemned at every given opportunity and never fail to remind they are a mistake

People who though have been redeemed and saved from the old life, but sometimes still relate to the wickedness in the heart of (the old) man

These are the people we are dealing with and at a point in our lives, we are or have been these people to some others also

You've surely gossiped or condemned someone before

This brings me to our teaching from last 2 weeks.

John 15:12
Love others just as I have loved you

If there is love (just as Christ's), we won't hurt other members of His body.

Remember we said the criteria for this love is, Just as Christ

A lot of people are yet to know and embrace fully how much Christ loves them
From pastors down to members
So they can't love you rightly

A lot of people have known only a life of rejection, hurt and pain by those closest to them

Though they have come to know Christ but they are yet to let go completely of that old life

You can't give what you don't have

Hurt people Hurt people

The pastor that rejects a member of the body of Christ for sinning is yet to understand the love of Christ fully.
Christ accepts everyone just as we are, even the one condemning

The member who sexually abuses another is yet to know the love of Christ

That person that makes it their duty to see everything wrong in whatever you do, if they know the love of Christ, they'd know that He loved us even when everything was wrong.
Like not one right thing we did to deserve His love

Wherever it is the hurt is coming from, whatever form it happens, have it in mind that the person that hurt you also needs help

So to break the Whys down :

Sin, the old man, past experiences/way of life, little or no understanding of the Love of Christ


For those that'd say they were just being wicked, of course the heart of man (the old man) is desperately wicked and filled with all manner of evil

The church people, The ushers, praise team, pastors, congregation, all constitute of people from the world, imperfect people.

Take note of where everyone is coming from
And a lot of people carry extra load from their previous location to the church (sometimes they are not even aware, actually most times)

Now, any of us could be the one dishing out contents from the extra load we brought into this new place

It could be you hurting me tomorrow

Or me hurting another the day after

Always have in mind, the church is filled with broken but growing people (in different degrees and pace)

Now we've tackled the why but it necessarily doesn't make you feel better. It doesn't take the pain away or the deed

You didn't come to the body of Christ to be hurt as though you were in the world.

I know

So let's move to you

You cannot Heal if you don't forgive.

It is not possible

Let's go to the scripture, has anyone in the bible felt hurt by people they trust?

Can someone relate to your pain/how you feel?

My best friend, the one I trusted, the one who ate with me—even he has turned against me.
Psalms 41:9 ERV

David at a point felt hurt by those he trusted. Those he'd have expected to know better

This pain/hurt, Paul experienced it. That pain/hurt, even Christ experienced it.

John 13:18
"he who ate my bread has lifted his heel against me"

We do not have a high priest that is not in tune with our feelings and sufferings.

So yes, God knows exactly how we feel

First step towards letting go

Know exactly what you are feeling. Be honest about identifying this.

Remove your focus from the people that hurt you or how it happened.

Put a word to how you feel. Is it hurt, pain, disappointment, unbelief in God, rejection, sorrow, Shame, embarrassment, fear, anger?

Find out exactly how you feel, the core of your hurt.

Search scriptures relating to that which you find out.
What does the Bible say about being rejected by men, even the body of Christ?

Meditate on the scripture you find. Let it be on your mind at all time till it becomes a standard.
Your focus is now on the word, not on the people that hurt you or the pain

It's easier for God to reach you in this state and heal you

Do not be mad at God
A lot of people are angry at God cos they feel He could have stepped into the situation and stopped others from hurting them.He could have just done something.

Never forget, everyone is striving for perfection and God doesn't take the blame for what people do. The problem is people not God.

If we are angry at God, its harder to reach out to us.

Most atheists are on this table. A lot are holding something against God. Probably they expected Him to come through in a situation and He didn't.
You can feel the hurt when you speak with them.

Their only defense mechanism is concluding there is no God.

When you preach to them, they can't understand because of the anger in their hearts and pain

Leaving the church or not
This is something to pray about. Sometimes, we have to leave an abusive space to actually heal.
But have in mind, wherever you go it is still human beings you are going to meet there.

People with diverse backgrounds and culture.

That pain, it is not about the building. It is about humans, the people inside the building

Pray before you take this decision, speak to someone and of course make sure you do not leave on a bad note


Know who the enemy is
The enemy of Christ is the enemy of the body of Christ.

And this enemy is not the person sitting in the next pew
It's not the man that hurt you, preaching every Sunday with the mic.

Never forget who your real enemy is
Behind all the people hurting others, is one strategically motivating them to do so, in all manner of cun and craftiness. The devil. And I'm sure you know his agenda, his end game

He is actively seeking people to devour, and those people that hurt you?

They are just pawns in all of his schemes. They are not the enemy Never be mistaken about this

Someday soon, he will be destroyed forever. We do not wrestle against flesh and blood.

Satan will not come and steal, kill, destroy physically. He will use people, flawed and broken people to achieve his agenda.

We should always be alert to recognize all his schemes

Take it to God
A lot of us complain more about being hurt than actually praying about it.
God says to call upon him in the day of trouble.
Pain and deep hurt is a troubled heart.
Take it to God. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable before Him

Pray for the people that hurt you
This is a bit difficult but a huge Step towards forgiving. You already know they are not the enemy and are just pawns, you certainly do not want them to keep doing Satan's works without knowing.
Put them in your prayer. Pray for them

Stop looking for closure rather seek comfort in God
Closure is actually very overrated (to me)
You might get it and it will still not be satisfying, the reasons might not be enough for you.
They might sound stupid. So just rest in the arms of our loving father.
Allow Him tend to you. Allow Him comfort you and heal you

Forgive And Let Go
We've talked on forgiveness a lot of times so I won't dwell on this.
Remember forgiving doesn't justify what the person did to you.

Forgiveness is for you. You can't afford to keep swallowing poison hoping the other person will die.

Forgive and let go. Think more of letting go and less about the pain

Remember our teaching on Just as Christ? Forgive, just as Christ

To The church

A lot of us are part of the culture/people that hurt others.
It's a circle but I believe it can be stopped.

It starts with you and I.

That holiness/standard we look out for in people, pursue it. Be intentional in your relationship with others

Even if you don't understand you've hurt someone, as long as they are hurt you should reach out to them. Don't be defensive

End the circle, don't hurt people. Don't be quick to condemn or use harsh words.

Be accountable:
The church needs to stop covering up for its members or leaders that hurt others. It is part of becoming, it is a process. We should be truthful and honest in dealing with such situations.

Finally, LOVE JUST AS CHRIST

SPIRITUAL VIOLENCE

SPIRITUAL VIOLENCE

First of all,  what is the meaning of violence?

Violence is a behavior involving physical/brutal force to hurt,  damage or kill something.

Violence is synonymous to intensity,  fierceness,  pitilessness,  attack etc.

Now does this mean we should try to kill or damage people spiritually?
Well,  no (not in this context)..

Let's go to our text for today so we understand clearly where we are coming from.

 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.
Matthew 11:12 KJV

From the time of John the Baptist until now, violent people have been trying to take over the kingdom of heaven by force.
Matthew 11:12 CEV

I think I've had this Scripture in my head for as long as I could memorize anything,  so many Christians have also.  It has taken me years to understand the concept of Spiritual Violence as described in this verse. So many people even use the Scripture wrongly to justify anger or some violent behavior.

What exactly does the Scripture mean by "the kingdom of heaven suffers violence"?
Who is attacking our precious Heaven? 😧😧
The violent ones take heaven by force;  does there have to be a forced entry into this heaven ?
Are we not supposed to be sweet and gentle as our darling Jesus? 🤷🏼‍♀

So many questions but we will try to break it down one after the other. 

Back to our scripture, Matt 11 vs 12, what led to this reply from Jesus?

Let's scroll up a bit.

From verse 1 ,we see John the Baptist who was in prison at that time sending his disciples to find out if Jesus was the Messiah. At that same time also,  multitudes were with Jesus listening to Him keenly.

One thing is evident here,  the people in this time were searching for something,  a prophecy given by the prophets of old,  the Messiah.  Even John was (He had to send His disciples to confirm if Jesus was the Messiah and Jesus sent them back with a prophecy concerning Him that was now evident which He was sure they knew)

The people sitting in the crowd listening to Jesus had also gone to visit John before.  One would wonder what exactly they were looking for.

As they were leaving, Jesus began to speak to the crowd about John. “What kind of man did you see when you went out into the wilderness? Did you expect to see a man who would be easily intimidated?

what did you really go out to see? Was he a prophet? He certainly was. I tell you that he was more than a prophet 
Matthew 11:7-9 CEV

This same crowd listening at Jesus' feet had also been to the wilderness to see John before Jesus came.  To get to the wilderness where John was at that time according to old manuscript was a 5day journey,  one way.  So 5 days going,  another 5 days coming back (note that they were walking)
These people wanted something and nothing was going to stand in their way.  They were ready to risk it all,  they didn't mind leaving their homes for the kingdom even though they didn't fully understand at that point.

Jesus cries out to them in verse 12 saying: From the days of John the Baptist...  This means from the day John's ministry started.  John had been preaching for over a year at that time: "Repent,  for the kingdom of Heaven has come near" 
Matt 3:2 (NIV)

Now Jesus is saying from the day John started preaching that men repent as the kingdom of Heaven is near, many have been in pursuit of this kingdom.

They've been trying to get a hold of it. John had people coming from far and near, risking all just to know about this Kingdom that is near.

This kingdom of God now suffers violence

Those who heard the teaching and were touched by it seized it,  they would not let it go,  their response to it is whatever it takes,  we will find ourself inside this Kingdom.  They didn't care how forcefully they have to get there,  they will literally seize and take things by force.

 The law of Moses and the revelation of the prophets have prepared you for the arrival of the kingdom realm announced by John. And now, when this wonderful news of God’s kingdom realm is preached, people’s hearts burn with extreme passion to press in and receive it.
Luke 16:16 TPT

John was the last of the old prophets and also the one to usher in the new by being a forerunner of the Messiah.  John came to announce the arrival of the Kingdom realm. And anytime John preached about this Kingdom realm,  people's hearts begin to burn,  they are stirred,  there is a certain fierceness and intensity with which they use to pursue this realm they've heard of. They become violent spiritually.

What exactly is spiritual Violence?

To be Violent Spiritually is to pursue God intensely,  to seek Him with one's entire being.  To say enough is enough and deny self while throwing off all entangling sin.

It means to run the race with passion,  purity and perseverance.

To seek God with Violent abandonment of whatever is holding us back

And this is not starting today,  we are not the first, this started in the days of John.  Men have been reaching and violently seeking All of Heaven with intense zeal.

To be spiritually violent,  we do not care about what we lose in the process.  No! the gain of this Kingdom of Heaven is more precious than all we can ever lose.

Just as it is in this generation where people say they are chasing the kingdom and running the heavenly race but refusing to let go of their old ways,  so it has always been.

We see Jesus addressing this same crowd in Matthew about it:

 “We played the flute, but you would not dance! We sang a funeral song, but you would not mourn!”
Matthew 11:17 CEV

We see Jesus here rebuking the crowd that (some of them)  they were not dancing to the flute being played and they were not mourning even with the funeral song.  What does this mean?

The flute being played and dancing signifies celebration of God's presence and their reaction to it.
God has brought down His presence,  now He lives in us but so many of us do not dance to this new tune.  We do not walk in this new dispensation.

The funeral song being played and them refusing to mourn represents the death of sin in our lives but we as Christians still refuse to accept that we are now dead to sin.

We refuse to mourn sin and now live in this new kingdom realm.

We want to enjoy the kingdom realm but yet still have one of our feet in the world.

We consciously choose to live in sin even though we claim we are a new creature.

It doesn't work this way!

I once read somewhere : True Faith is revealed by how we chase God and earnestly seek Him

How exactly are you chasing God?
How are you seeking Him?
Is it passively or aggressively?

This thing is do or die.

It's a practical example of we die here,  if that is what it will take.

Spiritual Violence for every Christian begins in the secret place.  John spent time in the wilderness seeking God. 

The disciples locked themselves up for days in the upper room praying and fellowshipping before receiving the Holy Spirit (and they moved immediately with great power after this).

If you do not fellowship with God,  do you really seek this Kingdom realm?
Do you really wish to know Him more?

The excuse these days is we are all busy.  Know this,  if you truly want God you have to create time for Him.  You have to be ready to leave your comfort zone.

I used to have roommates when I took the decision to improve my prayer life.  I had to pray under my breath most times,  sometimes I'm in the toilet praying,  other times I'm taking a prayer walk at night during winter. 

I'd tell myself then,  "Remi,  you will die if you don't pray". I'd repeat this over and over.  It was in my notes back then.

Of a truth,  you'd die spiritually if you don't pray or fellowship with God.

And fellowshiping with God doesn't come easy,  you have to sacrifice. You have to be aggressive and violent about creating time for it. 

When God calls any man,  He first calls you to unusual dedication to fellowshiping with Him.  This is where it all flows from.

Another mistake people make is confusing Natural zeal for the things of God with fellowshiping with Him and violently seeking Him. They are very different.

Going to church always,  helping with church works,  Bible studies,  preaching etc, all these things are very good and should not be kept aside but you see,  doing these things only do not outlast watching eyes.

When you are alone,  you can't pray for 2 hours straight but you can do it in church where people are.  These things are natural zeal and it is a good start. Take it up by seeking God violently,  laying all that has been holding you back aside.

If you pray at night and you sleep off,  then start praying earlier when you are very much active.  If you start the day and get busy immediately leaving no time to commune with God,  then please starve yourself some sleep by waking up earlier to pray.

You must be ready to make any sacrifice in seeking God!
Whatever it takes,  you should be ready to give!
Radically pursue God,  without fear and without restraint.
Proverbs 2 vs 4 says we should search for wisdom (God)  as though it were a hidden treasure.

Do you know what it means to search for something that is hidden?

Who remembers Gulder Ultimate search ?  The last task is to find the hidden treasure to become the winner.  Do we see how those guys used to search like their lives depended on it? 
The money/prize was more than enough motivation.

Till someone shouts "I found it", everyone is digging sands,  scattering forests hoping they find this hidden treasure first. 

Sometimes,  it takes hours but they do not stop to rest.

The prize was the motivation.

Is this kingdom realm prize enough for you?

When the Bible said "Narrow is the way", this is what it meant,  that the path to this new life of enjoying Heaven even here on earth is difficult.  A lot of things dear to you will stand in the way,  you have to take them away yourself.

This is why Jesus said except you leave all behind,  you cannot follow me.  We must be ready to leave ALL.

As for us, we have all of these great witnesses who encircle us like clouds. So we must let go of every wound that has pierced us and the sin we so easily fall into. Then we will be able to run life’s marathon race with passion and determination, for the path has been already marked out before us.
Hebrews 12:1 TPT

ACTION POINTS
As we end the teaching tonight,  I will share some Action points with you

- Get a book and write down everything that is holding you back in your fellowship with God.

- Search yourself sincerely and also write down why each of these things have been a stumbling block

-Deliberately place your communion and fellowship with God above all those things.

- Maybe just like me,  write it down everywhere you can easily see it,  make it your prayer alarm name :

"I,  xyz,  will die if I don't pray/fellowship with God"
- Earnestly pursue God.


I pray for you that as you take these steps in your pursuit of God,  the Holy Spirit who is our helper will be with you and make the walk easier for you. 

God bless you!

TRIALS AND TEMPTATIONS

Personally, this topic resonates with me for it has summed up my 2018. We will be using James 1. The entire chapter is self explanatory. i was just going to pick verses but I realized that everything in the verse is important. After this teaching, I will advise that we all go back and read the entire chapter one by one.

What are trials and temptations?
Trials are challenges that come to us in our walk as Christians. Trails can also mean a test in preparation for something bigger. When football clubs want to sign amateur players, they first invite them for trials. New drugs also get to go through trails to prove that they are effective for the purpose for which they were created. If the drugs passes the trial, it blows. If not, it becomes another failed invention.

Temptations are things that are attractive but are not good for us, basically.

Trials are trainings in preparation for a new level. Without examinations, students wont move to a new level in school. As growing Christians, these examinations are important for us to move to new levels in our walk with Christ.

James 1:2- My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

The goal is to come out better and and learn patience, to also come out better in strength, capacity and knowledge. Periods of trails are periods of deep devotion. It is a time to invest more in our spiritual lives and see beyond the trial.

We must always see Jesus. It is important.

Note this: Temptations does not mean that you are careless or carnal, it shows that you are human.  Even the most anointed of men of God go through these things too


What to do in moments of trials and temptations.

1. Stay confident in the Lord. The unassailable belief that Jesus is at the center of it all! Let it be shown all over you that Jesus reigns. Even if you fell and people saw you, don't let them criticise you. It is between you and God ultimately. Just find a way to go back to God as a penitent child and pour out your heart. His arms are always open to welcome you.

I like Psalm 71 and it is a good chapter for this. My personal style is to have a conversation with God.

2. Keep pleasing God, remember when Jesus said if you love me, you will keep my commandments. Trials are also to teach you obedience, stay obedient. Work out your salvation deliberately.

3. Do not sin, avoid sinning. That thing when people push you to want to react or you are about to yield to temptation, do not fall for it. See Ephesians 4:26- 'Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.'

4. Affirm scriptures. Confess and declare scriptures you know and read new ones. Personally, I claim many scriptures at this point but there are some that God told me about myself personally. I affirm them and declare them true. One verse God gave me in 2014 is Isaiah 54:10. Another fav scripture is Romans 8: 28. Look at that fact! We know that all things, ALL things work together for good to them that love God(US), to them who are called according to his purpose.(US again)
Such Peace

I believe that these steps can help us overcome challenges, trials and take us to the next level.

5. Keep Bearing Fruits. Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the spirit:
1. Love (Love everyone)
2. Joy (Be joyful, radiate God's joy, joy unspeakable)
3. Peace (Be peaceful, follow peace with ALL men)
4. Longsuffering (This one, you have to be able to suffer long, endure hardship)
5. Gentleness (Be gentle)
6. Goodness (be good, just be good to people, no bargaining)
7. Faith (this is an entire teaching but EXERCISE faith and be faithful)
8. Meekness (Be meek and humble)
9. Temperance (Be temperate, moderation is important in all you do)
 I will add one, Bring forth fruits of repentance. Matthew 3:8

6. - Rejoice. Look at 1 Peter 4: 12-13. 13 says rejoice even in trials.
- Give thanks. 1 Thessalonians 5: 18 says In EVERYTHING, Give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

7. Stay Positive. Romans 12:21 says Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. Dont let enemies change you, show them love regardless. Don't let unbelievers ruin your relationship with the holy spirit.

Sample trials and temptations
 Illnesses, anger, lust, grief, ridicule, reproach, harassment, lack, disappointment, failure,  rejection,
death of loved ones

Conclusion
Trials teach obedience and patience, trials are meant to make us better as Christians. Trials help us reaffirm God's promises. When God rescues us from floods, we begin to believe more and become more assured. We become more mature.

One thing I learnt personally, the trials wont reduce as we grow. Rather, they become bigger and we learn new ways of surviving them. We grow in capacity.