WHEN FELLOWSHIP BECOMES A STRUGGLE

 So I will ask us, 

What does fellowship (with God) mean to you?

What are the major areas of application for believers?

Samson - Fellowship is being "fellows" with God - There is a relationship where you and God share  and discuss stuff, you know him as Father and he knows you as son/daughter. Fellowship with God is our identity as believers. We can't say we are believers if we don't know he who saved us. It involves every area of our lives

Ayodele - Fellowship, for me means time spent enjoying the presence of God and just worshipping. The overall totality of my relationship, defined by worship. Its like my own personal time with the Holy Spirit. Bonding time

Debola - Building a relationship with him. Talking to him

Sumi - For me Fellowship is spending quality time with God

If fellowship is communication, what are the areas of application

Samson - As I said, it should be applied in every area of our lives. Fellowship is not just when we go to church and praise is going on and we are happy. Fellowship with God is also during our lowest moments, decision time, when having dinner, when watching a match...it is the constant connection to the Father at every moment/stage of our lives

Sumi - In all areas. From directions and instructions in all areas. For example Work, choices etc

When Fellowship becomes a struggle

Application area: Prayer and Studying the word

How many of us have struggled with fellowship (in terms of this application areas) or are currently struggling? What is it like?

Samson - Thank God for daily sharing on Word alive and daily prayers. 😩 Sometimes before you know it, you never do personal bible study for 3 days

Ayodele - me! Sometimes I am just tired or lazy. Some other times, I am distracted by too many  things. Work can be overwhelming but I realised that in the midst of that 'busyness', I still find time for other recreational things.

Precious - I have. The struggle is real, there are times when I get carried away with work, Bible study and prayers become a struggle, sometimes when I need something and it's not fourth coming it becomes a struggle to pray, other times I'm just tired internally

Remi - Me too, I will answer. There are times the struggle is like every Eke market day 😭 Some times, I'm praying fire but struggling with studying.  Also, struggling for me is not the absence of these things o. It is the zeal and energy involved. Like I'm praying and studying but I know I'm not really praying and studying. Everything is just lifeless and forced somehow

Sumi - Me. Most times tiredness and sleep. And procrastination too

First, I will like us to know that You are not alone

That struggle to come to God, that period of prayerlessness, you can read all the novels in the world but the minute you open bible, you are tired.

You are not alone

When it comes to fellowship, here are the struggle areas I've found so far:

- Distractions

- Consistency

- Time management

- Lack of Zeal

- Feeling disconnected

- Sin and Guild

- Laziness 

- Hope Deferred 

Pearl - Sin and guilt is it for me, along side fear of failure, due to past failure. Like what's the point of starting again now, when I know I won't be consistent?

I'm sure every believer (including our pastors), have experienced one area of struggle or the other in their walk. You probably can relate to one of these things or even all. Maybe you are currently struggling with prayer or studying the word. Or even both

Please note that the word struggling is not just the absence. That's another thing the devil does. You still have your You Version streaks so yes you are on course. But deep down, you know that something is not balanced.

Struggling is not just the absence of fellowship. People can be in a marriage and struggle to make it work

Acknowledging where you are in your fellowship with God is a great starting place. You can't move forward without it. And no, it is nothing to be ashamed of.

For some of us, we are "prayer warriors" o. In fact, as we are finishing prayers like this, we are updating everybody on status with "Rhema"

In fact, it is the Rhema that pushes us to fellowship. We are trying to feed the world but deep down, we neva chop belleful (for the non Nigerians, this means we have not eaten to the full ourselves)

Prayer warrior but deep down, you know you are struggling

One thing the devil does so well is help you to believe a lie to massage your ego. As long as you have made yourself believe there is no problem, you will keep going down that line

The worst will be spiritual leaders or those with spiritual gifts. In seasons of prayerlessness and not studying the word, you will be surprised you can raise the dead.

The grave will still listen to you and tear open when you speak, so you pat yourself on the back that all is well but all is not well

And then you back this lack of fellowship up with work.

You try to substitute work with fellowship but they are not the same.

The time we spend with God should be way more than the time we spend ministering God to people.

Our first step is acknowledging that this is where we are. A lot of us are still doing hard guy with God

There is nobody that walks in love with God not marked by vulnerability. So first, acknowledge that there is something wrong

This helps me a lot 

I can tell you that since my prayer life peaked between 2016 and 2017, I'm not sure I've stayed struggling with fellowship for more than a week. I'm quick to spot that something is wrong. 

I do not think that I'm bigger than something being wrong

So immediately something is wrong, I see it and get back on track

I'm going to share a story

I'm sure I've shared it with you guys before but I will again

Dec 31st 2015, watch night service.

After the service, everyone had gone to the city centre to watch fireworks. I stayed behind with my pastor and church keyboardist and we started praying.

We prayed for about 2 hours that day and my pastor asked all 3 of us to commit to praying everyday at midnight for the next 6 months.

Almost 6 years after, I have not stopped

That same December, I had broken up with the person I was dating for no reason. Little did I know that God was calling me into something deeper and distractions had to be cut off. You know I said me and my pastor prayed for 3 hours the first night. As we left the church, all 3 of us set an alarm for 12 midnight.

So the next day, I had to continue alone.

I prayed, prayed and prayed. Prayed for like 10 hours, opened my eyes to check time and it was still 12:05am

So all that long prayer was just 5 minutes 😭😭😭 I wanted to die. It was easier to pray for hours with other people cos we can take from each other's fire. In fact, after we left church that day I remember getting home to continue praying and I stayed there for long.

I basically was fueled up from the group prayers

But as it remained only me, fuel finished and 5 minutes felt like 5 days

It was at that time I knew I was in for a ride

But I was also ready for the ride

Another sad part to this my story was that my tongues vocabulary was really low. Na just one sentence I sabi then. I'm not sure I had up to 8 syllables 😭

Tongues help a lot in prayers as they cover all the things our human minds cannot. But me I was limited at that time. So I had to make do with the language of man. Tough ride o but I rode still.

Day 2, same thing.

I was still struggling

I had roommates then, so it was also very distracting.

We are watching originals together and my alarm goes off (one thing I never did was choose any other thing over my prayer time).

I will stand up and go start prayer in my corner but I'm hearing someone shout "Klaus has killed him, eh God". I'm thanking God but I'm also longing to know who Klaus killed.

Or I'm praying and I open my eyes to somebody kissing their boyfriend in the room.

It got to a point, I wrote on a stick note "Remi you will die if you don't pray" and placed around me. Cos it looked like the devil was working hard to ensure I don't pray

5 minutes

5 minutes turned to 10 minutes, then 15 minutes.

And then 1 hour

Sometime in 2017, I found out I had prayed for over 5 hours on my own unplanned.

Like I had just stayed in fellowship, enjoying  God

I cried that day, cos I knew where I was coming from. 5 hours turned to 8 hours then 24 full hours, 2 days non stop....Without fuel from other people

How did I move from struggling to pray and study for 5 minutes to fellowshipping for hours? Yes, the 5 minutes included bible study, praise and worship and prayer 😂.

It was that bad for me

Intentionality

This was my number one step

I wanted God, I wasn't even sure of all the details. But I knew that I wanted Him so I took that step

You will have to be intentional with choosing Fellowship.

Life is busy

There is so much noise around us

So much dragging for your attention

You have to make that choice yourself

Be intentional with studying the word and praying.

If you can read this and you currently struggle with consistency in any of prayer and the word, immediately go to your alarm. Fix a time you know you are mostly free and can be alone. You can fix both together or fix them separately.

Let me tell you a truth, you won't survive by vibes.

You have to be intentional about being consistent and this is your first step

Pick a time and make it a date with God.

Pick it now

Don't procrastinate

Jesus had a habit of fellowship with God

A few days later, Jesus went out to a mountain to pray. He stayed there all night praying to God. Luke 6:12 ERV

After he said goodbye to them, he went up into the hills to pray. Mark 6:46 ERV

Word Alive daily prayers will not replace your own personal fellowship. The daily reading schedule can serve as your personal guide though but you must read on your own too even as you come online to check what others share.

My alarm was set for 12 midnight, I remember days when I'm watching movies with my roommates.

Before my alarm goes off, Martina is already telling me it's almost 12 o, you will not go and pray.

Sometimes I want to continue the movie with them but I had unknowingly built a habit that the people around me had also noticed

So I'd stand up and move to my bed. There were days I'd go into the toilet to pray if I was feeling too distracted 

There were days I'd go out in the snow and take a prayer walk. If you know me well, you will know how much I dislike twitter but not even a -15°C could stop me

I used to miss class cos of cold 🙈 but not prayers.

I went all out for it (and yes, I had the help of God. I was so mightily helped by God. Will explain this part next week). So yes, fix a time for your prayer and study. Can be same time and can be separately.

But pick a time you are sure you will be free and set that alarm now.

Name it as you would

If you find yourself struggle, remember that it is normal. 5 minutes was 5 days for me for a long time.

Let that be your motivation

For those of us scared to start over again. You've been here before and it feels like you keep coming back

Hmmmmm.

I will share a story again

Between 2009 and 2011, I was in an organisation called FECA (myself and Precious). At some point, we were praying 1am everyday. Note that there was no zoom then.

I had a torchlight phone in 2009. I set alarm for that time, stand up, read the bible and pray for 1 hour.

I didn't have YouTube to play music in the background. So it was just me and my paper back bible

Somehow, life happened and I stopped praying

I was still praying o

I was praying in the midst of brethren

I was doing those rush prayers (plus Jesus minus Satan every morning)

I was opening my bible when the church/fellowship opened bible

I was even praying alone too but vibes and when it entered my head or I wanted something from God

Between 2012 and 2015, I moved from this to struggling to pray for 5 minutes

It can happen to anybody. Be ready to start prying again tomorrow. If I stop praying today, I will start praying again tomorrow

If I notice that I stopped reading my bible today, I will start again tomorrow

I will share a secret with you I do not think of myself as one that cannot struggle with fellowship

Nobody is bigger than it. So when it happens, e don happen be that

Holy Spirit, where do we start from cos my strength has failed as usual. Carry me

It's really this simple

And I move on

The early days of starting back may be difficult but I don't send

I know I will get back fully on track

Don't beat yourself over it

Even the 3 closest people to Christ slept off when they were meant to pray. God did not beat them over it. Stop holding it over your head

That's also a tactic of the enemy to keep you from God. If you fail, you start again and again and again. If you find it difficult to start over yourself, get someone to kickstart you.

Join prayer groups and refill there

Speak with a friend to join you in your fixed prayer time for a short while till you are able to stand on your own

But that feeling that you will still fail again at it so no need to try again, please let it go.

If you don't have a study plan, you can start with the reading schedule for Word Alive.

Be faithful with it and you will see growth.

You will hear God speak to you.

The "biggest" Rhema I've gotten is while reading from the schedule.

And it's amazing cos it's just random, there is no topic in mind.

I'm reading the word, open mindedly through the lens of Jesus.

You can also check You Version for devotionals or church devotionals

Just make sure you start.